When Should a Child Get Their First Smartphone?

Not long ago, The Journal posed a question:
“What age should children get their first smartphone?”

The replies came in fast—hundreds of them. Some were thoughtful, others defensive. A few were angry. It didn’t take long for the conversation to drift from the question itself to something deeper: trust, fear, control, and the pressure modern parents feel.

I've been sitting with that discussion for a while. Not to add more heat, but to try and understand what’s really going on underneath.

Because this isn’t just about smartphones. It’s about the kind of culture we’re shaping—for our children, and for ourselves.

What Are We Modelling?

In reading through the comments, what struck me most wasn’t just the worry parents had about their kids. It was how many of us, as adults, still wrestle with the same things. People spoke about screen time, about addiction, about the temptation to check messages behind the wheel.

And I couldn’t help but think:
If we’re still learning to handle these tools well, how can we expect our children to do it better?

It reminded me that so much of digital parenting isn’t about software. It’s about example. If we check out emotionally every evening behind a screen, if we argue online instead of listening—what lessons are we passing on?

Beneath the Panic, Honest Questions

Many of the worries in the comments were familiar. Real, valid concerns from people trying their best.

“What if my child stumbles onto something awful—like pornography?”
It’s a fair question. And the good news is, there are tools that help. DNS filtering, like what Pi-hole offers, lets you block unsafe content before it ever reaches a device. Some internet providers even offer these controls as standard. Quiet, invisible help that can take the edge off constant worry.

“I’m tired of fighting about screen time every evening.”
There are practical tools here too—Google Family Link or Microsoft Family Safety can gently enforce time limits without shouting matches. They’re not perfect, but they reduce friction and bring a bit more peace to the end of the day.

“What if they’re in their room at night, scrolling until 2am?”
A simple boundary helps. In our house, we’ve agreed that devices stay out of bedrooms. They charge overnight in the hallway. It’s not about punishment—it’s about rest, routine, and creating a sense of shared structure.

“But my kid is clever. They’ll find a way around anything I set.”
They might. And that’s okay. That’s not a failure—it’s an invitation. An opening for a conversation. A reminder that what they need isn’t just restrictions. They need to understand why the boundaries are there. They need to feel they can come to us—without fear—if something online unsettles them. That kind of trust goes further than any app.

What the Comments Didn’t Say—But Showed

There’s something else I noticed, quietly playing out in the comment thread itself.

The way adults spoke to each other.

Many were respectful. Some weren’t. There were quick judgments, sarcasm, even shaming.

It left me wondering: if this is how we, as grown-ups, handle disagreement online, what are our kids learning from us?

We talk about digital citizenship. About respectful communication. But we can’t expect children to embody something we haven’t practised ourselves.

Culture Starts at Home

I’ve worked in tech for years, and I’m also a parent. And if there’s one thing I keep learning, it’s that schools can’t do this alone.

Online safety isn’t a module on a curriculum. It’s a conversation around the dinner table. It’s a choice to pause before reacting. It’s a quiet decision to sit beside a child and say, “Show me what you’re watching. I’d like to understand.”

That small curiosity can open a door. And once it’s open, trust has room to grow.

Three Shifts That Might Help

If you’re feeling unsure, here are three places you might begin. Not to solve everything—but to move a little closer to calm.

1. Start with Simple Tools
   Parental controls don’t need to be complicated. Tools like Google Family Link or Microsoft Family Safety can help you set boundaries gently and respectfully. You don’t need to be a tech expert—just willing to try.

2. Add a Layer of Protection
   DNS filtering (like Pi-hole or some broadband settings) adds another layer of safety. It’s a bit like putting a child gate on the stairs—not because you expect them to fall, but because it helps you relax while they explore.

3. Build Trust Over Time
   Restrictions aren’t enough. Kids need context. They need space to ask awkward questions. They need to know that their online life matters to you—not just as a danger, but as a real part of who they are becoming.

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Towards Something Better

At CyberAware.ie, we try to offer support without shame. Practical guides, quiet advice, and a belief that small steps matter. We're not here to impress anyone. We're here to help.

If you're a parent figuring this stuff out—so are we.

And if you're tired of fear-driven messaging about technology, maybe you're ready for something else. Something slower. Something that begins with trust.

Let’s build that, together.